In the red corner Heston, in the blue corner Nigella
By some fluke of fate I didn’t eat out on Monday and Tuesday last week which meant that for two evenings I had to run the gauntlet of food-telly. There were two programmes, both to be found on BBC2 and both shown in the coveted mid-evening slot. Here are few quotes, see if you can attribute them correctly:
“…crisis delectably averted!”
"…this plumptious beauty...”
“…meat behaves differently depending on how you cut through the muscle”
“…we’ve definitely got a bun problem…”
“… strew chunkily..”
“…two lamb fillets that’s what I call express shopping…”
“…who gives a flying whatsit…”
“…we’ve got to deliver that big hit of flavour..”
I’m afraid that there are no prizes because the answers are so obvious. There is something so unbearably smug about Nigella’s shows that makes even the meekest hackles rise. Even before the “omnibus-gate”, (surely you don’t think anyone would ever film, or eat, on a real bus… it’s hard to envisage anything less appetising) this programme showed a cloying leaning towards hyperbole. Nigella is so inordinately pleased with herself as she mugs the camera, winks and simpers while knocking up ordinary and often astonishingly sweet crowd pleasers, that you end up so prejudiced against the dishes that you will never, ever, try them out.
It’s fair to say that you are also unlikely to make a burger from scratch à la Blumenthal. But ideas are explained – the concept that there is a “grain” to minced meat as it is extruded from the mincer, and that the perfect burger would take advantage of that texture is a thought provoker. The idea that the depth of the bun is important is obvious too, but only after it has been pointed out. The thought that the perfect burger may need Heinz Tomato Ketchup also strikes a chord. Heston comes over as a charming chap who thinks a little bit too much about his dishes. Nigella comes across as someone desperate for our good opinion and completely out of touch with the public. Midnight fridge raids are so middle class and passé.
I’m afraid it’s no contest.. See for yourself this week
Monday 29th 8.30pm Nigella Express Latin food and “whipping up chowder”
Tuesday 30th 8.30pm Heston Blumenthal In search of perfection.
Charles Campion
It seems Nigella has an obsession for raiding the fridge during the night to stuff her face with ice cream, chocolate fudge and other 'healthy' tit bits.
Has she looked in the mirror lately?
Posted by: SlimJim | 31/10/2007 at 11:02 AM
Heston wins every time.
Why does Nigella keep raiding her fridge in the middle of the night?
Isn't she getting enough? (calories of course)
She's got lousy taste in dressing gowns ~ what's wrong with a good ol fashioned teddy?
And hey what about her waistline?
Posted by: Arnie | 31/10/2007 at 03:21 PM
I agree.
Nigella needs a visit from the fashion police.
Posted by: Stella from Kingston | 01/11/2007 at 09:58 AM
Hey let's take a look in Nigella's fridge ~ gefilte fish and chocolate sorbet,chocolate fudge cake, chocolate sponge pudding, steak and chocolate pudding,rack of lamb with chocolate sauce, turkey stuffed with chocolate, escalope of veal au chocolate, chocolate bourginon, sole meuniere with chocolate sauce, cod and chocolate, chocolate moussaka.
Posted by: Donna Keybab | 01/11/2007 at 05:17 PM
My friends at the beeb tell me that Nigella has been offered a star role in East Enders as Manageress of the Caff.
Posted by: Hymie Palmer | 01/11/2007 at 05:20 PM
This isn't just any food ...this is Nigella's yummy scrummy fill your tummy again and again food. Divine M&S racks of 3 flavoured chocolate flake covered with delicious piping hot M&S chocolate sauce and topped off with M&S chocolate cornish ice cream and then washed down with a bottle or three of M&S chocolate liquor.
Pass me a bucket...
Posted by: Sylvie Krin | 02/11/2007 at 11:17 AM
Nigella wins hands down against Heston Blumenthal.
Nigella is a fantastic cook who obviously enjoys cooking. Heston on the other hand is a scientist in a chef's hat who can't except that normal people cook on an oven. To say that Nigella is out of touch with the public is very ignorant, when Heston Blumenthal cooks with a bunsen burner. Nigella Express provides recipes for people who haven't got the time to cook long meals, which is most of us, and so I think she is very in touch with the public!
And how can Charles Campion claim that Heston's cooking is thought-provoking? If I wanted to be mentally provoked I'd watch a documentary. I watch cooking programmes because I want to actually cook and be entertained.
Heston Blumenthal should find a place for his wacky 'cooking'. My suggestion, off our televisions...
Posted by: James | 04/11/2007 at 04:58 PM
Nigella is way past her sell by date and has nothing new to say - how many different ways will she try and package the Nigella brand before people realise it is the same old rubbish.
I agree with Charles Campion about her style - utterly out of touch - but longing to be cool and so not succeeding - the delivery is dreadfully grating, the desperate rictus grin, the cringe making scenes at the end with her "friends" who must all be patronised - I can hardly bear to watch ( and mostly don't)
The producers should never have let her do this to herself - she looks terribly uncomfortable - Nigella - take the proceeds of your Nigella odyssey, go back to your gilded world and leave us all alone - please.
Posted by: Sue | 05/11/2007 at 06:06 PM
Nigella can fry my sweetbreads anytime
Posted by: Rick | 08/11/2007 at 04:10 PM