By some fluke of fate I didn’t eat out on Monday and Tuesday last week which meant that for two evenings I had to run the gauntlet of food-telly. There were two programmes, both to be found on BBC2 and both shown in the coveted mid-evening slot.  Here are few quotes, see if you can attribute them correctly:

“…crisis delectably averted!”

"…this plumptious beauty...”

“…meat behaves differently depending on how you cut through the muscle”

“…we’ve definitely got a bun problem…”

“… strew chunkily..”

“…two lamb fillets that’s what I call express shopping…”

“…who gives a flying whatsit…”

“…we’ve got to deliver that big hit of flavour..”

I’m afraid that there are no prizes because the answers are so obvious. There is something so unbearably smug about Nigella’s shows that makes even the meekest hackles rise. Even before the “omnibus-gate”, (surely you don’t think anyone would ever film, or eat, on a real bus… it’s hard to envisage anything less appetising) this programme showed a cloying leaning towards hyperbole. Nigella is so inordinately pleased with herself as she mugs the camera, winks and simpers while knocking up ordinary and often astonishingly sweet crowd pleasers, that you end up so prejudiced against the dishes that you will never, ever, try them out.

It’s fair to say that you are also unlikely to make a burger from scratch à la Blumenthal. But ideas are explained – the concept that there is a “grain” to minced meat as it is extruded from the mincer, and that the perfect burger would take advantage of that texture is a thought provoker. The idea that the depth of the bun is important is obvious too, but only after it has been pointed out. The thought that the perfect burger may need Heinz Tomato Ketchup also strikes a chord. Heston comes over as a charming chap who thinks a little bit too much about his dishes. Nigella comes across as someone desperate for our good opinion and completely out of touch with the public. Midnight fridge raids are so middle class and passé.

I’m afraid it’s no contest.. See for yourself this week

Monday 29th  8.30pm  Nigella Express  Latin food and “whipping up chowder”

Tuesday 30th  8.30pm  Heston Blumenthal   In search of perfection.

Charles Campion

Over the last decade I have filled most of the judging roles at the Young Chef and Young Waiter of the Year Competition. I’ve done the waiter judging where you stand around with a clipboard watching people eat; one year I joined the chefs to judge the food in the kitchen (a humbling experience the chef judges had a dozen or so Michelin stars between them and an unsurpassed knowledge of technique); and on several occasions I’ve done the easy bit which is to sit and eat a good lunch.

The format is simple – the chefs and waiters draw lots to decide who works with who and then each pair is responsible for their own table of four guests. The Chef half of the partnership works up the menu and his or her Waiter decides which wine goes with what. We were seated at table seven and our waiter was Phillipe Bonjean from the Ritz hotel (both slick and charming, he came a respectable third, the Young Waiter of the Year was Matthew Mawtus from Gordon Ramsay at Claridges). Our table seven chef was Simon Christey-French from the Square, he won the overall prize and is definitely a name to look out for.

His menu read well, celeriac bavarois, roast chestnuts with a bay leaf foam and Parmesan straw; followed by pan fried mackerel fillet, mackerel rillettes with pickled cucumber, sour dough and frisée; then slow roast rib of Yorkshire beef with cep purée, wild mushrooms and a Bordelaise sauce, red wine jellies; finally a vanilla rice pudding with rum soaked prunes, orange and orange madeleines. The amuse was very rich, the creamy celeriac balanced by the foam, candied chestnuts providing some texture. The fish dish was sound. The fried mackerel a little under-seasoned but the rillettes a total delight. The beef was mega. A thick tranche of meat, perfectly cooked (our table had requests for medium, medium rare and blue and they were all fine). The presentation was fascinating and I cannot recall evey having seen food plated this way before - the meat was topped with a splash of sauce that led away across the plate. The garnishes were added as if riding the wave of sauce – a disc of bone marrow, a perfect cep, a few crisp potato roundels. It made some of London’s prissier “tall food” specialists look very fussy indeed. The sauce was also novel in that a rich, sticky, traditional Bordelaise sauce had little spheres of jelly running through it, like smart tapioca. These were made from jellied red wine (molecular gastronomy gets everywhere) and gave the sauce a pleasant and unusual mouthfeel. Then Christey-French dished up a stonking vanilla rice pudding with rum soaked prunes. He’s a worthy winner and someone you will doubtless be hearing a lot about in the future.

This year’s competition was unusual due to the amazing dominance of Philip Howard’s brigade at the Square:  Christey-French took first prize; Joshua Pelham also of the Square came second; and Sinnead Finnegan also of the Square came third. That’s one kitchen with an immense amount of young talent.

Charles Campion

The Square, 6-10 Bruton Street, W1 (020 7495 7100)

It’s worrying. At the moment each restaurant I visit seems to be good or very good, perhaps I am just in the middle of a very lucky run and should wander down to the bookmakers and see if the good fortune extends to outsiders at Perry Bar. How can you expect more good luck when the Kiwis and Ostralians have already packed their bags and flown south leaving the Rugby World Cup mercifully free from their bluster and self-regard?

Wild Honey opened in July and by September it has already picked up one “Best Restaurant of the Year” award, (I suppose it’s just tough if you’re planning an opening in October, November or December). Mind you, it will be very good restaurant that is better than Wild Honey. This new restaurant that has taken over the site that was formerly Drones Club in Mayfair has an excellent pedigree. It is the second venture by those wonderful people who brought you Arbutus. The head chef  is Colin Kelly (who comes to Mayfair via Putney Bridge and Arbutus) and  the front of house is David Durack who comes from Knightsbridge fish Mecca One-O-One.

The food is the best kind of rich, hearty, honest, and downright delicious. Starters range from a terrine of foie gras, quince and hazelnuts; warm smoked eel, roast Provençal fig jam, and a raw vegetable salad. The braised pig’s head, potato purée, and caramelised onions was a classic of its kind; and the Cornish razor clams, shallots, chilli and parsley was a wholly successful dish. Consider the plat du jour: a daube of beef, salsify and sauté of ceps – genuinely worth a detour, a large lump of tender slow cooked beef, the salsify braised and melting, a few mushrooms adding an extra texture. Not merely poetry on the plate, but poetry with a good rhyme scheme. Then there’s saddle of venison with Savoy cabbage and roast turnips; or halibut with a mushroom risotto and purple sprouting broccoli. All really good dishes. You could also enthuse about the puds treacle tart; Savarin of Williams pears; wild honey ice cream.

As to the rest of the checklist, the room is comfortable; the service is silky; and the wine list offers platoons of wines by the 250ml carafe (like Arbutus) so you can explore a different glassful with each dish. Starters run from £7.95 to £13.95; plat du jour £13.95; mains from £14.95 to £19.95; puds from £5.95 to £6.95. Very competitive indeed for the heartland of Mayfair. There’s even a three course set lunch for £15.50. You may have gathered, by now, that Wild Honey is a stunning restaurant. 

Charles Campion

Wild Honey, 12 George Street, W1 (020 7758 9160)

Arbutus, 63 Frith Street, W1 (020 7734 4545)

The Rochelle Canteen is a great place for lunch… sure you’ll have to find the place; and you’ll need to book ahead; and you’ll have to take your own booze – but anyone with the navigational skills of a cub scout should manage it. Which may explain why I (burdened with a cool box heavy with interesting bottles) knocked on a good many doors before finding the right location. When the Rochelle School got turned into an art gallery the bicycle sheds got turned into a canteen with Margot Henderson at the helm. The forthright Margot’s last pukka restaurant gig was a stint, some years ago, at the French House Dining Rooms in Soho, but restaurants are her family business and husband Fergus – whose excellent second book Beyond Nose to Tail is just out and a “must have” – continues to delight at St John and St John Bread and Wine.

You have to respect any resto where the first line of the Drinks Menu reads “PG Tips £1”. But her the whole menu is right on the button – pumpkin soup; potted pork and apple (a brilliant creation like a cross between rillettes and meatloaf – very good texture, very moist); a globe artichoke vinaigrette (mercifully un-messed about with); duck livers chicory and mustard (a splendid salad with lobes of liver pink in the middle). The mains are also blissfully simple – mussels with white wine and saffron; onglet with beetroot; leg of lamb with chickpeas and spinach. All good stuff and followed by a chocolate pot so large and so intense that it did service as pud for four!

The Rochelle Canteen is also one of the bargains of the age: starters £4.50 to £6; mains £8 to £11; puds £3 to £3.50. First book it, then find it.

Four O Nine is a restaurant hidden away over a pub near Clapham North underground station. Like the Rochelle Canteen you have to buzz through on an intercom before being allowed in to the inner sanctum. The chef is Iain Smart who served time at Chez Bruce and the menu here reflects that heritage in its seasonal dishes and big flavours. The room is large and the seating is comfortable (there’s a large bar and a plush “brown” feel to the decor.

The menu splits into half a dozen starters and half a dozen mains. A starter of glazed pork belly with buttery Savoy cabbage and baby onions is a handsome dish – and one large enough to have been classified as a meal for two in the bygone day of Nouvelle Cuisine. The pork was slow cooked to a gluey delight. Other starters were foie gras and chicken liver parfait with tomato jam and warm toast; and a fillet of red mullet with dressed crab, fennel and sauce vierge – a large fillet, perfectly cooked. Mains ranged from a fillet of plaice with smoke salmon, pea puree and gnocchi, to a braised shoulder of lamb with olive oil mash, gremolata and girolles – a fine dish, wholly in tune with an autumnal mood; and herb stuffed coquelet with fondant potatoes, braised celery an meat juices. The prices are restaurant prices: starters £6 to £8; mains £15.50 to £18; puds £6 to £7. Smart cooks very well, service is agreeably informal and there are some decent wines at fair prices. This is a very agreeable restaurant.

Charles Campion

Rochelle Canteen, The Old School Building, ArnoldCircus, (020 7729 5677)

Beyond Nose to Tail, by Fergus Henderson & Justin Piers Gellatly, published by Bloomsbury £17.99

Four O Nine, 409 Clapham Road, SW9 (020 7737 0722)